Powerless

"Even though I walk 
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff
they comfort me."
Psalm 23:4

Ethan has an airway leak in his breathing tube.
He will have it replaced tomorrow.
His ECMO levels were increased today.
I am not sure what direction we are headed.

Every day that passes

brings us one step closer.

To what? 

I'm not sure.

Perhaps healing.

But as I sit here willing the doctors 

to do something...

for medicine to heal somehow...

I find I am helpless.

"The magic is not in the medicine
but in the patient's body."
C.S. Lewis

There is not a magic doctor.

Or a medicine.
There is one Healer
who has complete and utter control
over Ethan's body.

I keep thinking maybe if I can figure out God...

then He will heal Ethan.

And maybe that is the problem. 

When we feel powerless...

we want the most control.

Maybe I am afraid to give up control to God.

Maybe I am fearful of what He has in store.

But this is my God.

I have always trusted.

I have always put my life 

completely in His hands.

Could it be I just have not been tested?

Maybe I have only walked
an easy road in my faith?

Strengthen me, Lord, so that I will not fall...