Overcoming Obstacles

For 2 hours we learned 

how to hook up the oxygen that would

help Ethan breathe. 

We learned how to suction him when he cannot cough.

And how to administer breathing treatments that

will pump his lungs with steroids. 

We learned about sat monitors and heart monitors.
Regular oxygen and travel oxygen.

And all the while...

I just thought

"This is not fair". 

I reasoned with myself.

"I just want more for him."

"He deserves to live a normal life."

"It is just more stuff to go wrong with him."

Then I got real.

Because the truth is...

I just plain don't want to do this.

Yes.

That is it.

Call it what you will.
Fear.
Or selfishness.

Overcoming obstacles
which hold me back from attaining
perfect faith.

And the reality is...
perfect faith
can only be reached when we
are fully trusting in God.
Utterly dependent that He will show up...
and that He will be abundant in His mercies.
That He alone will cast out our fears,
pick up our burdens,
and
carry us through.

"Lead on, Lord..."