I Just Can't...

"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace
to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16

Ethan tested positive for MRSA.

His undilated esophagus is affecting his

airway with the copious amount of secretions he has.

And he is possibly aspirating on the secretions.
He has lost his ability to sit.
And hold his head up. 

My immediate reaction was..

"I just can't..."

Fill in the blank.
I just can't take anymore.
I just can't deal with another setback.
I just can't watch him struggle again.
I just can't get keep on being faithful.

My heart grows weary.
And I feel desperation setting in.
I succumb to weakness.
There is a pull to flee.
And another to hide.

And then there is the quiet voice that whispers...
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

God never promised the road would be easy.
I do not know why it is so hard to wrap my mind around that.
Why do I constantly wait for the day it gets better?
Embrace this.
Because this is what God is offering.
Abandon expectation.
Surrender to the life God is giving...
not just the one I want.
Walk faithfully...
even when the road takes me
where I may not want to go.